3 posts tagged “self”

• What makes you happy at work?

I'm happy at work to be free to work at my own pace, no deadlines, no rushing around. It's a peaceful environment, surrounded by lush green lawn, trees, and blue sky. I'm also happy to meet the people that come to the library. It's pure joy and such a pleasure to get to know and talk with them, see them on a weekly basis. Very nice people.

• What makes you happy at home?

I'm happy at home when my parents are getting along and my mom is up and puttering around the house.

• What makes you happy with your friends and family?

I'm happy with my friends when I feel confident in myself and I can be myself. Have fun with them, laugh with them.
I'm happy with my family when I get to see them and spend time with them.

• What makes you happy when you're by yourself?

I'm happy by myself practically all the time. I'm not afraid of being alone. I like it. Sometimes I need to be by myself. I go to the library, bookstores, read, go to the movies, drive around in my car, go shopping, or stare into space.

• What do you love to do?

I love to be by myself, I love to do detailed, tedious work, I like being on a schedule, I'd like a job where the work is endless but still doable and flexible enough to not have to take it home with me.

• What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure?

I'd go to grad school, get my MA in TESL, work in France or SF, or Hawaii. work at the library part-time. save money. move out of my house. rent an apt. buy a car. live with jon and plan for our future.

• What's not working in your life?

Fear of the unknown, not being able to move forward as I want, still living at home, though my parents like it, being under their care and watchful eye, i want to be FREE once and for all. Of course, I will visit them everyday and clean up my dad's mail or whatever, walk the dog, eat dinner with them, drive them to church, but I want to be totally independent and on my own without having to call them that I'll be late. or check in with them. listen to my mom's insinuating tone of voice.
What's not working is my attitude and impatience and not accepting my current situation. There are steps to take but I'm not willing to take them. I want everything to happen at once. I need to go step by step.

• What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy?

Holding myself back from being who I really am. Being afraid of judgement from my friends and family. Fear of rejection. Fear of success. FEAR of doing what I really want without having my parents say a word!

• What's working in your life?

My diligence and dedication to my faith and church. Support from family and friends. Having a positive outlook even though I may not be totally satisfied with my living situation. Believing in and accepting myself.

• Who's not working in your life?

Friends who are judgemental and not supportive.

• Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it?

A lot of times, my mother. Sometimes my father. Most of it is myself.

• Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life?

I could let them go or just not be afraid to be the real genuine lovable, laughable me.

• What relationships are working in your life?

My relationship with my boyfriend, Jon, has always been steady, fulfilling, and wonderful.
Things with my parents are improving because I'm improving myself.
I have made loving, supportive friends through PSI.
I find that my relationships work well on an individual basis, but I'm not good at putting myself in a group. Working on that.

• If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life?

Moving on to a can-do attitude instead of I can't and taking action. I will be enrolled as a graduate student at HPU in their Teaching English as a Second Language Program with financial aid. I will have a fabulous job where I can work my fullest potential using my Japanese language ability. I will be making oodles of money, well, a lot more than now and knowing how to save and use it wisely. I will have a great relationship with my parents, moved out of my house, living on my own, and loving my independence. I will also be engaged to Jon and planning my wedding.
 

• What's the single most important thing you've learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions?

I am capable of all of these things and so much more. I don't give myself enough credit for being the great, magnificent, beautiful ME. Having a great relationship with myself is the most important thing that I've learned.

It's December already. Time is flying!!! I've been busy the last few days trying to format and edit the Tenrikyo newsletter. It's finally done and printing is probably in progress as I speak. whew.
I've also been trying to find a temporary part-time job and I went for two interviews already but no juice. i'm pretty disappointed. it's like God is telling me something but I refuse to answer. I'm working for God now and I keep getting the feeling that God doesn't want me to do anything else but what I'm doing now. It's frustrating. I guess I'm chasing the carrot attached to my head that's dangling right in front of my eyes out of reach. I'm quitting next June but I get the feeling that no matter how hard I try, I won't get to work outside of my church until I'm done. But I'll never be "done." I still want to help the library, where I'm working now, and be involved as I am now, in different committees and such. I know I can make a difference. But I also think it's important to venture out and experience the world and what Tenrikyo can offer the world. What I can offer the world. But I guess it's just not my time now. But I refuse to totally give up. Interviews are lessons too. It's interesting what they ask you, although they pretty much overlap. First impressions can make or break you, so dress to impress! But also it's important to be myself and be the best I can be in that 15 minute interview. I can also bring that into my own life and my work and maintain that mindset. No matter whom I meet, it's like a job interview.
Things are happening in my life right now that I thought would be lost to me and wouldn't happen for a long time. I've met a wonderful man and he's totally into me and treats me like how I've always wanted to be treated, with respect, love, and affection. I thought I liked another man, who is far away, probably in mind as well as body, and I thought we were getting closer. Then this other guy shows up and I'm totally confused. I didn't know what I want. I'm still not sure but I can feel myself drawing closer to him more and more. How can you be sure? Is it a feeling? Is it how you feel or how he makes you feel? Is it the connection? I think it's all of those things and so much more. A friend told me once that to be with someone that wants to be with you makes a huge difference. It's almost effortless because you both want to be with each other. Almost all of my adult life, in relationships, I felt like I had to do so much, give so much, put in the effort to make the relationship work. But it doesn't have to be that way. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A CERTAIN WAY. IT CAN BE HOWEVER I WANT IT TO BE. I CAN HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED! See, I never knew this. I knew it but refused to believe it because I wasn't believing in myself. That I am beautiful inside and out and I am worthy of a man that will be there and love me as I am. It's amazing. I'm just so taken aback. I'm in awe.  From my last relationship I realized that I WILL ALWAYS KEEP MY SELF-WORTH, DIGNITY, AND INTEGRITY and will never let ANYBODY treat me that way again or make me feel so low, so cheap, so unworthy of love. Now that the opportunity to have the balance, wonderful, real relationship has risen, I'm honestly scared. I'm terrified! I'm not ready to be happy! I'm so use to being unhappy or unsatisfied. That that is the way it is. BUT IT'S NOT! ha! It's marvelous! It has the potential to be a genuine partnership. scary. but my dream is to get married and have a family so I have to start somewhere!! And here it is! oh gosh. I don't know what to do with myself. A friend told me last night to just ENJOY IT! And I am. but it's still scary. I should tell him how I'm feeling. whew.
Well, things happen or don't happen because they are meant to be that way, so this must be meant to be too! I shouldn't fight the current when it's flowing so fast. I should go with it, flow with it, hang on for the ride of my life!