4 posts tagged “friends”

Jon and I did our valentine's early. On Monday night we went to Auntie Pasto's for dinner. He mentioned that we should check it out a few times so I called to make reservations but they apparently don't take reservations, so the gal who cut me off said. It's a relatively small place but cozy. food is good, tiramisu is awesome. I liked it.
This week is another busy week for me. Last night I went to support my friend, Janyce, because she had a PSI Basic coffee at her church, where Jon lives. I even invited my friend, Loan (Lon), from intermediate school to come check it out. Loan is JW but I thought she was open-minded enough to listen to what was being presented. Plus, it has made me think differently in my life and she could see that. She didn't sign up for the Basic but it was okay. I didn't think she would. Just wanted to support Janyce. She had a goal and I wanted her to meet that goal. It's funny the story of how I was able to see Loan again after so many years. We lost touch after college because I went to Japan but when I went to my Basic at the end of last September, she saw me at the Convention Center where the Basic was being held. I was so happy to see her! It's always nice to see old friends. So I'm trying to keep in touch with her now that she's back in my life. We're suppose to go hiking some time. I need to get into shape. She's married to a man almost twice her age but she seems very happy and content.
Speaking of Janyce, I want to send my condolences to her because her mother passed away all of a sudden last night. Jon called to tell me this morning. There have been many deaths recently. I just went to a funeral on Sunday for a friend's son. I notice that a lot of people pass away at the end of the year going into the new year from November to February. Especially people I know. My uncle passed away at the end of last year and his wife recently passed away soon after. They lived on another island so I couldn't go to the funeral. I remember the first funeral I went to by myself was for Elise's mom. It was very sad. It was also a trying time in my personal life and relationship. It was the year 2000. The turning point in my life. After surviving that year, I knew I was capable of overcoming heartbreak. Heartbreak is growth. I didn't know that before.
Then today is Valentine's but it doesn't feel like it. Everyday is love. Tonight I'm meeting some friends for karaoke. I'm surprised that Jon is so flexible. He says we see each other a lot so I should hang out with my friends when I can. I'm happy he said that. I also have a class tonight, that's why we moved V-Day to Monday.
Tomorrow is oh yeah, Dr. DeMartini's talk. You know The Breakthrough Experience guy. My friend Bryan always raves about him and his philosophies. I'll see and hear for myself tomorrow.
Friday is class again. I enjoy the class. I'm learning a lot from the readings but I can't help but feel stagnant and lazy. There are papers to write, more books to read but I just procrastinate. I finally wrote a paper but I still have to clean it up. I've been buying the books as they come up in class because I'm trying to be frugal. But I end up spending anyway for ikebana (flower arranging), piano lessons, gas, parking, whatever expenses add up. I'm going to have to buy the books anyway but not an undergraduate anymore with support from the folks. Basically cover my expenses myself, I just live at home, which helps.
My mom hasn't been well. Something's going around, a lot of people are sick, but I believe she had some nasty food poisoning yesterday. She seems better today. I want to take care of my parents. I want to make them happy. But I really want to achieve balance and  self-worth, that I am worthy and capable of anything.

Jon just came and gave me yellow roses for valentine's day. So beautiful and sweet!

I know I'm due to put some new pictures up. Talk about lazy...I will!

That quote is from today's Mary Engelbreit daily calendar. It's appropriate because I have been at odds with my mother for a long time that it's time to change the way I have been acting, thinking, being ever since I've learned to think for myself. She's not like other mothers. I always wished she would be more understanding, more sympathetic, more my best friend, but no. She's the authority figure that does not let up. If she thinks I'm making a mistake or doing wrong in her eyes, she tells me exactly what I need to hear. She's very firm on the verge of threatening and I've lived in fear of her wrath for many years. She's very anti-social and does not have very many friends. She is the only surviving member of her family. She has my father, myself and the cat and dog as her immediate family. She goes to church regular and we do morning and evening service together. She's a good mother. I have just built up this resentment and anger towards her that kept building and building. It burst several times over the years and she's never let me forget it, but I don't regret anything. I love her. I can't imagine the love she feels for me. I think I'm afraid to. I know that I will completely understand her when I become a mother. I look forward to that. Now, I still have to balance my immatureness with my independent womanness. It doesn't help that I must live at home but it seems to work out for everyone. It's the right thing to do for now for my parents. I wouldn't want to move out just to get away from them although people do it all the time. I guess I don't have the balls to do it or I'm not financially stable enough to venture out on my own, really on my own. I was seriously planning on it. But because of a "pep" talk from my mother and reconsidering my situation, how I haven't been doing my part in my own faith on a daily basis, I decided to start small and take baby steps. I have plenty of independence at home; I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want, as long as I come home by 12 am. or preferably earlier. Imagine having a curfew in your late 20s. it's too funny. Of course I break it all the time and then I get the guilt trip. It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself. try my independence to the limit, go through the fear, feel the guilt, get over it, then again and again. whatever I do. i was really sick of it. I want to stay out all night sometimes, spend the night with my boyfriend without feeling guilt or fear, be alone without my parents breathing down my neck. have my own space. my mother wants me to stay at home until i get married. can you believe it? it's crazy. we're not your typical family. I'm an only child. The pressures from my parents, my faith, my friends, myself gets extremely overwhelming. I don't know what I'm doing a lot of times or what I'm suppose to do.  The answer will come to me one of these days. People many tell me you should do this or do that, try this or try that, but I really should listen to my gut and go with it. It's never been wrong. My gut tells me I should stay home for now, help my parents, make them happy. It's not like living on my own would be cherry pie. It's hard! But I'm not afraid to try when the time does come.
I keep applying to jobs but no one will hire me yet. I think if I didn't have a full-time job now I would get hired right away. I make great first impressions. But my schedule won't allow me much flexibility right now, during my regular work hours. afterwards is no problem. ideally I would love a part-time job that I can work in the evenings, not too late at night, Sunday afternoons and Monday mornings. that would be great! I'll keep looking but I'm not holding my breath.
My friends from Japan were able to get their green card so they've moved back to Hawaii permanently! They came to the library today. I was so happy to see them! They were here for church work before but now they're here to live! It's so great to have them again.
Things with Jon are really wonderful. He's a great guy. Very supportive. Solid as a rock. I'm so grateful that he's adding so much to my life and to me.
My mother gives me a hard time about him. But she's always given me a hard time everytime I start dating a new guy. Ever since the nightmare with the married guy, she has not trusted me to find the right one. She thinks I'm going to screw it up again. He's going to leave me. I'm going to get hurt. I feel like I'm never going to get married as long as she's being so distrustful and suspicious. She won't even let him into our house. Our house is not very welcoming at all. I don't feel comfortable in it at times.
But that's how it is and I have to accept it. for what it's worth. bottom line.
then i can move on and be happy.
Today I'm working by myself at the library. Meg is off. Today has been pretty busy. Lots of kids, customers and visitors. I'm happy to work here. I'll be quitting my position in June and moving on to a better paying job, which I'm still looking, but I know I'll be back.
 

If two past lovers still remain friends, it mean two things: they’re still in love with each other, or they never were.
 
I'm not sure. and this font refuses to go back to normal. I think there's some truth in it but hmmmmmm. something to think about.                                

What are you thankful for?

I am thankful for my family, my animals, and being able to live with them now and not being alone. I know how lonely that can be. Even though all I want is to be left alone and my mom loves to come into my space, I'm just grateful that they are there. The time will come when I will have to leave the nest for good and I'm really looking forward to that, but for now, my life is with them.

I am also thankful for my friends, old and new. My high school friends for being so loyal and loving and accepting me for me. The friends that I've made in Japan who have contributed to my life so much. The friends that I've made recently at PSI. I'm so thankful for you guys. I love you all!

I am thankful to God and for all the blessings that surround me everyday.

I am thankful for all of the experiences I've had that made me who I am.

I am thankful for me, because I am my own best friend. I know myself the best, and even though I may not have made suitable choices at the time, I know that it was for my own spiritual maturity and challenge to overcome every obstacle in my life.  I trust myself more now and will give myself and my love to all people.